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 Laura R. and Trevor B.I was eighteen years old when I left a routine gynecological visit with the news I was pregnant. Neither my boyfriend nor I had attended college, and we didn’t have much money. The idea of having a child at that point was not only scary, it was unfeasible, and it felt selfish. I went to “options counseling” at Planned Parenthood and was given a pamphlet about adoption. My boyfriend and I read over the information carefully, and became extremely interested and excited when we found that the agency we selected afforded the opportunity of an open adoption. Our first visit to the agency was much more inviting than we expected. We were given the profiles of several families looking to adopt, and sent home with the reassurance that we didn’t have to settle on a decision, and that we were never locked in to the adoption. After reviewing the profiles, we found a family in the first batch that matched the ideals, values and lifestyle we imagined for our child. From there, we met the family, received help from the agency with our living expenses, and grew so close to the adoptive family that having our child no longer felt like a burden or a loss. The adoptive mother went with me on several doctor appointments and we met them every week for dinner, discussing how our child would grow up, how the adoption would be explained to him, and sharing our excitement over his arrival. The night Stephen, our son, was born, the four of us had just departed from dinner, when we had to make a sudden call for them to meet us at the hospital. There we stayed, all four of us in the same room, for the next three days through my recovery. Not only were the adoptive parents able to witness the birth, the adoptive mother was even coaching me through labor. Because we had spent so much time discussing personal boundaries, emotional needs, and mutual joy in relation to the big day, each set of parents was able to spend quality time with Stephen while we stayed together in the hospital. They allowed us time to bond and really contemplate our decision to allow for Stephen’s adoption, and because we were so sure of our decision, we allowed them time to rejoice as new parents and bond with him from the early hours of his life. We continue to receive letters and pictures from Stephen’s family, and we respond to them as well. Because we have remained close to his family and have knowledge of how he grows up, how he looks and the opportunities he has, it has been impossible for us to regret our decision. By the same token, Stephen is growing up with the understanding of his adoption, and is even playmates with other children adopted through the agency. None of us ever have or ever will feel ashamed of or stigmatized for our involvement in the adoption process, but we all feel extremely blessed for the doors it has opened. Laura R. and Trevor B. Previous page: Carolyn S. |